Prayer is enough.

I've come to realize how powerful and strong prayer really is. 

As I've personally worked recently on trying to make my prayers more sincere and honest I've been learning a lot about it and how truly wonderful of an experience it can be.

But sometimes we want to help a friend who is going through a difficult trial and in reality there is not much we can actually do to help them except for only pray. But that's the thing, it isn't ONLY praying. Praying can make a big impact in someone's life, we may not be able to literally see how it works, but I've had experiences where it's worked in my own life and I can notice a different when others have prayed for me as well.

So, don't be discouraged when all you can do for someone in need is pray, because that is an act of service for them. It may seem like a simple one, but it takes time and effort and Heavenly Father does hear ALL prayers.

I have always wished that I would be able to help people out of their problems, trials, or help them get to where they need to be. But, in reality I cannot do that for every person I come in contact with, I am not meant to do that either.

As I was studying my scriptures tonight I came across these verses 2 Nephi 33:3-4 

 ... For I pray continually for them [my people] by day, and mine eyes water my pillow by night, because of them; and I cry unto my God in faith, and I know that he will hear my cry. And I know that the Lord God will consecrate my prayers for the gain of my people...

In this scripture Nephi is praying for his people because many of them have rejected and turned away from the gospel  He is crying about this because it breaks his heart, all he wants to do is help them to believe in the gospel, so that they that can have the fullness of joy that the gospel brings into our lives. He does one thing he knows he can do, he prays for them. He has faith in God and here he tells us that he knows that God will consecrate his prayers for the gain of his people. Nephi trusts in the power of prayer, he believes that it will make a difference in the lives of his people as he continues to pray for them.

Prayer has so much more power and strength than I think we could ever comprehend. God hears every single prayer we say to him. Sometimes we may not feel like praying is enough, but for ourselves and for others it is actually exactly what is needed. 

I know that the more we communicate to God through prayer, the more we are sincere and honest, the more we take our time and do not rush, the more we try to listen to His Spirit as we pray that we  will come to see the difference that prayer makes in our life and others lives.  And we will come to understand a small glimpse of how profound, powerful and strong prayer is.  Prayer is enough. 

Taking things for granted...

So, the past few days I have been sick.  It's just a cold, nothing too crazy - but it's made me realize a lot actually.

Normally I don't feel this fatigued - but for some reason I do not have that much energy at all. Sleeping sounds like the best thing to do all the time. I have the normal congestion and cough that you get.  I've noticed some smells really bother me more so than normal.  On top of that I have asthma which this cold has made worse - causing me to have moments where I can't breathe very well, which is fun. I also think because of the fatigue factor I'm getting hungry quite frequently and feel as though eating doesn't give me as much strength as it should.

And I've been working this week because I didn't feel like it was bad enough to call out.  I nanny a set of two year old twins.  And I've been grateful this week because they've been pretty well behaved and easy for the most part - with me being sick that's been a huge blessing.  They also nap for a few hours which I knew I'd be able to get my own nap in therefore helping me gain more energy - well hopefully.

But something that I've realized just these past few days is that I'm really blessed that these things are not a daily thing I deal with.  And because of that I’m thanking the Lord that I don’t have too many physical issues in my life. It is actually making me realize the things I take for granted that other people may not have the luxury of having in their life. Like I don’t deal with any daily pain, I don’t have any chronic pain. All of my five senses are in tact and work properly. I may not be able to breathe sometimes due to my asthma but it’s not so bad that I have to go to the hospital frequently. I usually have energy each day… I usually don’t feel like I will fall asleep all the time. I usually am not coughing a lot or congested or have a sore throat. Smells usually don’t bother me. I usually don’t feel nauseous daily. There are so many more things but these are the ones that came to my mind from being sick.

There are people who do deal with chronic physical (and mental) things each day.  I personally do deal with mental stuff - but I guess I've learned how to work through those things (on most days) - so the physical ones really hit me. But as I was saying, I know there's people who have daily constant physical pain or difficulties that they deal each day.  And to them it's just a part of life, it's just normal. Just like to me my anxiety is daily and normal - it's not easy, but it's always there so you get used to it.

It is interesting how a difficult situation can make you realize the blessings you have and the things that may be there for you on most days… Are things some people pray and wished they had just for one day to make things a bit easier for themselves.

Let's try to take some time more often to look at the things that are in our life every day, that we don't have to pray for because it's already there. It's hard to notice it sometimes until that thing is gone, but we all truly can find blessings that we are given each day. The small and simple things we have, we all take them for granted sometimes.  But when we do take that time to think and notice the small blessings that are in our life each day, it can help us to see the beauty in the world, it can help us to realize that the trials we go through will pass eventually and we can get through them, and it helps us realize how much we truly are loves by our Father in Heaven.  It also can make us realize that there are people who don't have the same things we do in life, and maybe it will help us to try and become more compassionate and try to understand situations from different points of view.  Noticing the small daily blessings we are given can always help us to change our perspective on life, whether it's with our trials or with being able to understand others.

So, I have anxiety...

It was only a few years ago that I actually realized that anxiety is a thing, and it is a thing that is a part of my life.  Having this information and knowledge that I have anxiety has actually helped me a lot in understanding myself, my choices and my reactions to things. Technically we all do experience anxiety to an extent and some anxiety is apparently healthy, at least I've been told or heard that. But the anxiety I have is intensified, and honestly pretty constant. The levels of it change depending on situations I am in or experiences that I have.

So, why am I even talking about this?  Because to me it's important. I don't know the statistics of it, but I'm pretty sure there's a good portion of people that have anxiety.  And I realized something about my own anxiety, and if sharing this can help just one person who has anxiety then writing this is worth it. 

There's different kinds of anxiety, and I could explain them if people want to know because I am pretty familiar with most of them - or at least have a pretty good understanding of them.  But, the anxiety that I am talking about is General Anxiety Disorder.  Sometimes there can be a literal reason for the anxiety we experience, sometimes there's no reason but the anxiety is still there and still effects our lives. And it effects each person differently. And the levels of it are also different for each person. I can function with my anxiety - well usually I can - but some people cannot. It can effect people physically, emotionally, mentally, socially even spiritually, so basically on all levels.

I've learned something about my anxiety though and for some reason I feel the need to share it.  I think it's important for everyone - regardless if you have anxiety or not - to understand the why's of the choices and decisions we make in life, and why we may react to things. 

In school I was never one to raise my hand to answer a question. A teacher usually had to call on me and ask me for me to say something.  Now I know - this was due to my anxiety or fear. There were times that I did have the correct answer, but if I had this .1% of doubt over it I'd fear that it'd be wrong so I never said anything. I don't want to do something the wrong way, especially if someone asks me to do something for them.  So, a lot of them time I wait until given specific directions in certain situations, or I ask questions about something I already know the answer to just to double check because I don't want to do something the wrong way.

A lot of people tell others with anxiety to "calm down, chill out, take a chill pill" or other comments that may have a good intention about them but usually do more harm than good.  And actually do the opposite of what the person is saying.

People with anxiety know it doesn't make sense. We know it's irrational. But, it's also extremely difficult to control or to make go away. The other day I was talking to a friend and was having some anxiety over something and I remember saying to her that I didn't understand why I was having so much anxiety at the moment and she said to me "Anxiety pops up whenever it wants. It's definitely not on our schedules" and that is so true.

There are cases where a specific thing triggers anxiety. Driving for example has always been one of those for me - to the point I literally used to not drive places.  With the help of a friend I was able to push myself through that anxiety. And that was no fun. But, 90% of the time now I can drive with barely any anxiety. It's still there but it's not intense and doesn't stop me from driving. Although, certain circumstances with driving do definitely cause anxiety.

I could probably go on for days talking about this subject.

But, I guess if you struggle with anxiety. Find something to calm you down, get your mind off of the fact that you have anxiety, or if there was a trigger. Listen to calming music, go color, go run, write, draw, paint, read, pray, call a friend, write a letter, message or text to someone and tell them something you find wonderful about them... whatever it is that won't be harmful to you, but will help at least a little bit. Find at least one thing and do that when the anxiety arises (if possible given the circumstances). If you're in public, take a bathroom break and just try and breathe. Meditation is apparently really good for anxiety, but it's never been something I've actually gotten into, and personally I think it might be difficult to actually do during anxiety - at least when it's intense.

For those who don't experience anxiety but know someone who does (I bet you know do - actually if you know me you do lol). I know it can be frustrating and confusing and make no sense. Try and be patient and loving. Use kind words with someone going through an anxiety attack. Let them know their feelings are valid. Please don't try and tell them you understand if you don't. Don't try and tell them to stop it or calm down. Ask them if they need a hug - some want one, some will freak out even more, so just ask. Talk with them, talk them through their feelings - although this is another thing some people don't want to do that. I know frustrating. You don't always know what to expect, we all react differently under anxiety. Some people want to be left alone, actually some people might go mute during an anxiety attack. Don't freak out if that happens. Research anxiety further and when your friend or loved one is not experiencing an anxiety attack talk to them about it, ask them what they would like for you to do if you're with them and they experience it.

As you can see my thoughts go all over the place. I hope this makes sense? I hope this can help someone out. These are my thoughts. And my experiences. Feel free to ask me further questions related to this topic if you want or if my words confused you.

But anxiety is real. It's not fun for anyone. It's hard to control and get through. But, with work it is possible. We just have to figure out the tools that work best for us.

My thoughts on church this weekend...

This weekend at my church we had Stake Conference (which is basically multiple church buildings from different specific areas coming to worship together.) I learned a lot of things, but I think I learned the most from our Stake President, President Holland.

God appreciates everything we do for Him, every sacrifice or offering that we make to Him, it will be important no matter how small the effort may be. When we make decisions and choices we need to do them with the Lord's help.  We need to counsel with Him through prayer, pondering and studying of the scriptures. This will help us not only include Him in our decision making so that we know we're doing the things that He would have us do, but it will also strengthen our relationship with Him and make it so we have of better understanding of the direction our life should go in that will bring us the maximum happiness.

Something President Holland mentioned was that we also need to make our efforts in everything we do, with ourselves, with the Lord and with others (when appropriate) transparent. These are some of the ways that we can be transparent: being honest (not brutally honest though), truthful, admitting our faults and short comings - not hiding them and also owning up to them and correcting them and trying to improve. After looking the definition of the word up it talked a lot about being able to have light pass through, being recognized, being open or see through. And I think how we can do this is by being our true selves. Following our passions as well as doing those things so that we can have the light that Christ brings into our lives shining through us. By doing this it will also help us to become more gracious, kind and generous in our lives.

I know those things definitely are not easy. And they're not meant to be. Another thing President Holland said was that we can be blessed by doing hard things and one of those blessings we can receive is growing our character and who we are. If we all tried to improve being transparent in our lives even in one way it will improve our life. I know that in order to best be able to improve is by turning to Lord and ask Him for help, but by doing so we need to be ready and willing to do whatever He asks of us. God knows us better than we know ourselves, so turning to Him, trusting in Him and following the promptings that he gives unto us will be the best way to help us to become more transparent in our lives and strive to become the best version of ourselves.

Who am I?

Who am I?  How would you define yourself?

These are questions we ask ourselves, or other ask us quite often.

Sometimes we don't know how to answer because one thing does not define us.  There are many things that define us and we don't know what all of those things are. We are all here discovering and creating parts of ourselves each day.

I've decided to create this blog to share my thoughts on whatever I feel is important and to help myself both discover and create myself and hopefully help other people along the way.

So who exactly is Melissa?

Well I'm a 25 female who is under five feet tall.

I have an introverted personality - if you're familiar with the Meyers Briggs Type Indicator I'm an INFP and sometimes an INFJ.  They aren't 100% accurate with how your personality is - but for me they've helped me understand myself a bit more.  And realize that there are other people who think similar to how I do.

Purple is my favorite color. And I love art - mainly painting and drawing.

Although, I love graphic design as well which was one of my majors in college. I recently graduated with a degree in that as well as a degree in Early Childhood Education from Salem State University this May!  College was an interesting journey and experience and I'm excited that I finally have finished my undergrad.

I love children and babies. I always have as long as I could remember. Growing up I'd love to play with the younger kids in the neighborhood.  I never found babysitting to be much of a job but more of something enjoyable that I got paid for. In high school I realized I wanted to be a teacher - but for young children. I love all ages, but I definitely prefer the younger ages. I have a passion for teaching - and I love seeing that I've been able to help a child learn something.

I also have the most adorable niece in the entire world. Everyone thinks that though right? You could say I'm obsessed with her, and I kind of am. I have the most amazing relationship/bond with her and I'm so grateful for that. She's 4. And from the moment she's been born she's taught me a lot. She's one of my best friends, she's like a younger sister sometimes, but also like my own daughter sometimes - and is definitely giving me a sneak peak into what having my own kids will be like someday, and is just wonderful.

I love animals. I always have. I used to beg my parents for a dog. I remember wanting a horse at one point too. I used to have posters of animals all over my room. I grew up with the best cat in the entire world. Her name was Princess. She passed away around a year ago - she was old. We have two kittens now - Dutchess and Contessa. And I love them to death. They can be big pains sometimes but they're also so sweet and stress relieving.

I'm religious and spiritual. I grew up Catholic, but 3 years ago I converted to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints also known as the Mormon Church. I have nothing against the Catholic Church - I think it's great and my family of course is Catholic.  My personal beliefs just align with the LDS church more and I was able to gain a relationship with God through my interactions with this church and it's missionaries.  And I continue to strengthen that relationship to this day. It's a huge part of my life personally and it helps me get through difficult times and brings peace, happiness, it stretches me and has helped me understand myself so much more.

I can get pretty passionate about certain things. I'm passionate about art, about animals, children, teaching children, my religion.  Two more examples would be two of my favorite singers: David Archuleta and Demi Lovato.  I've met them both multiple times - either by saving my own money to purchase meet and greets or as a gift or pure luck by winning a contest. Both of them have helped me in different ways through their music or their life in general (well the parts of their lives they've decided to share with the world). They're both people just like the rest us. They just have this amazing gift and talent when it comes to music, both vocally and instrumentally. They both also know how to reach people on a personal level through their musical talents. I relate to both of them in completely different ways, which is part of why I've become so passionate about supporting them in their music and their lives in general.

One more thing I am extremely passionate about, and something I probably will never shut up about while I'm on this earth; Mental Health Awareness, ending the stigma of mental health, educating people on mental health and trying to help others in any possible way who have mental illnesses.

I have both Anxiety and Depression - some may argue that we all do. And to an extent we all do experience anxiety, and we all do have emotions and get sad. But how's that make what I have different? It effects my day to day life. This is something I will definitely go into more detail in another blog post.

What else is there to know about me?  I'd like to say I have a huge heart. I try to love people a lot and show them that. I feel others people's emotions - aka I'm am empath.  I'm a sensitive person. I love visuals. I'm horrible at math and it scares me. Yet I analyze everything, almost too much. I like to make connections. Most of the time I miss the details, unless it's something I care about then I notice every single detail. I sometimes can think in extremes, and other times I feel stuck in the middle with my thoughts. Most of the time I don't understand myself. My thinking a lot of the time makes no sense and is completely illogical. I've recently learned that I love to cook, but only sometimes. I usually hate waking up in the mornings and it tends to be a struggle. I'm both a perfectionist and a procrastinator at the same time.

I'm not sure what else to say except:

This is who I am. And I'm still figuring out a lot of it, and then creating other parts. Feel free to ask my any questions if you want to know anything.